World Cup 2022 - it's happening. All you need to know

Dear All,

We had Trump. Four British prime ministers. The end of Merkel's golden era and the beginning of colourful cool Germany (note: for conservative Germans cool means that heating prices are not what they used to be). A pandemic. An ongoing war at EU's doorsteps. The rise and fall of crypto - several times. The goodbye of the all-time world's number 1 magician: Roger Federer. Four years is a long time. It's time for another football world cup. 

For those who don't want to know what is going to happen in Qatar between 20 November and 18 December, stop reading now. For all the others, here is all you need to know:

1. Qatar. How could it be any different? The Qataris will try to bribe every rival team during the group stage with cheap natural gas deliveries for the next 10 years. Ecuador and Senegal couldn't care less. Netherlands' gas storage capacities are fully filled up. Qatar will find out that nat gas can't buy you love. Nor football success. The hard way - its journey will end where it started: at the group stage.

2. Italy. What a team full of elegance, attacking beauty and above all unshakeable self-confidence! So much so that it seriously thought to be able to win the world cup without qualifying for the competition. Mi dispiace - it's not the way it works.

3. Germany. A new generation. Colourful and cool - like the new post-Merkel Germany in the making. Kimmich will finally play in midfield and be one of the tournament's highlights. Die Mannschaft will do much better than the German public expects. And worse than the rest of the world fears.

4. Mexico. Exports to the USA account for 24% of the country's GDP. It makes Mexico what most Mexicans never wanted to be: USA's 51st Federal State. And places the country miles away from what Mexicans always dreamed to be: worse economically and better in football than Argentina. Arriba Mexico! And above all: keep dreaming.

5. Iran. It's not easy to be an Ayatollah these days. First, massive international pressure following the uncovering of Iranian military drones being used by Russia in Ukraine. Then, political upheaval at home. Girl power bringing the regime to the brink of collapse. And now this: having to play England and the USA - the USA! - in the group stage of the world cup. But worry not - Iranian players will be received as heroes on their return home. The double defeat against England and USA will trigger a collective nervous breakdown of the already very fragile Ayatollahs and - yes! - regime change. Football, clever girls and democracy - what is there not to like?

6. England. For the first time in living memory the English players will arrive in top shape at a major international tournament. Full of energy, youthfulness and ambition (let's forget team manager Southgate for a minute) England will be a welcome addition to the top favourites shortlist. Fans all over England will be more enthusiastic than ever in their hopes, celebrations and pub drinking. After the group stage, the country's newspapers will be dominated by headlines about the perfect connection between fans and players: "drink team at home supports dream team in Qatar". In the end, tradition will prevail: the drink team will massively outperform the dream team. Cheers!

7. USA. Having won World War III in the match against Iran, the US players will go back to what they do best: play baseball. This football world cup is all about diversity.

8. Canada. Just a gentle reminder to the Canadian team: only the goalkeeper can use his hands. And only in his own box. Ok? Whatever.....

9. Netherlands. Cruyff's home country. Cruyff! Cruyff! Cruyff! The most influential and revolutionary personality in the history of the game, first as a player and then as a coach. The best football mentor I never had. Netherlands attacking football will be the usual delight for the spectator. Cruyff style football without Cruyff. Cruyff never won the world cup for his country. What goes around comes around. Now his country will not win the world cup for him. 

10. Belgium. It has been the secret favourite of all major tournaments for at least the past 6 years. Not this time. Without the external pressure of the public and media, the players will feel more relaxed than ever and play like never before. Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose. Belgian chocolate pralines anyone?

11. Spain. What a team! How much talent! A true delight to see them play! Sergio Ramos, Piqué, Puyol, Xabi Alonso, Busquets, Xavi, Iniesta, Villa, Torres. History books are great. And past performance is not indicative of future results.

12. France. La Grande Nation. The world champions. The perfect combination of outstanding technical skills, speed and physical strength. Four years ago, the country's football strategy led by President Macron was clear: "Liberté! Egalité! Mbappé!" It's clear this time as well: "Liberté! Egalité! Croissant & Café!". What can you say? The French always have the right priorities.

13. Argentina. Messi! The best football player I have ever seen. The footballer without weaknesses capable of making the impossible possible on a consistent basis. Watching Leo Messi and Roger Federer play will remain as two of the greatest privileges in anyone's life. Human beauty supreme. Federer finished his career without being the Grand Slam titles record holder. Messi will finish his without winning the world cup. Super heroes are not what they used to be.

14. Portugal. The most talented team of the tournament: Diogo Costa, Cancelo, Rúben Dias, Nuno Mendes. Bruno Fernandes, Bernardo Silva. Otávio, João Félix, Rafael Leão. Technically outstanding. Highly creative. Tactically sophisticated. Unlimited ambition. The perfect average age. Portugal also has the legendary Cristiano Ronaldo in the squad. And Fernando Santos as a coach. It could have been glorious.

15. Brazil. Jogo bonito. The world cup winner speaks Portuguese.

Enjoy!

Best wishes,
Rui